How to have more loving, conscious relationships: Happy Love Month!

You are deeply loved. It has been said that if you knew just how much you were truly loved, you would never fret or despair again. ~ The opening words from my book, “Cosmic Love: Keys for the Path of Light.”

Potent stuff, isn’t it? There’s been much said about our true nature as beings of LOVE. Relationship with other human beings is one certain, fast-track consciousness raising opportunity. That is, if we choose to accept it and not go back to back a sleepy state of denial, avoidance or confusion.

I was just speaking to a friend that it has been noted that couples who don’t have many or any “square” planets in their combined astrology (which can produce friction,) often don’t stand the test of time. Why is that? All of that “smooth sailing” can actually become dull and boring in the long run. Relationships that have just the right balance of tension and ease seem to last longer. Whether we like it or not, we’re here to learn, grow and evolve and through relationships we’ve often got our work cut out for us.

Own your own “stuff” and projections.

It is not uncommon for Soul Mate, deeply connected relationships to be triggering to our most archaic and painful emotional material, often involving early childhood memories. Though this can be challenging; it can actually make you a more awake and aware individual, it can also bring you even closer in your partnership. That is, if you take responsibility and own your reactions as much as possible without blame or aggression to others. It’s important to breathe, slow down and be patient if you are in a triggering period with your partner. Also, to know that this too shall pass.

Drop seeing your relationship as the end-all and be-all in your life.

As a spiritual counselor I have seen this often in my career and I’ve also participated in it myself. Granted, our intimate relationships are very important in our lives, but they are also fertile ground to lose ourselves in as well. A healthy and balanced relationship is one that has equal power dynamics, where no one is controlling or stifling the other. It is usually insecure people that require our constant and undivided attention. When we are more “at home” and at peace within ourselves, we will not see the relationship itself as what completely defines us as a person. Our most important relationship will always with ourselves and Source.

Beloveds, so many are disappointed and hurt when others do not “see” them in all of your glory. This is another one of the potential illusions of the 3D world. So many are trying to really see themselves through the gaze of another. While your loves and family are very important relationships, the relationship to Self is greater. Paradoxically, the more you can see yourself, the more others can see you as well. When you fix your gaze within, you connect with the Source of true power, beauty and love that is transcendent and this will be reflected back to you. – The Keepers, 3/16/11


Do you use love and affection as “currency” or as a bargaining tool? If so it’s not really love, but something else. Check up.

Hold yourself complete. Give what is appropriate to give. Give what you wish to give freely instead of making deals. Do not sacrifice and then expect it to be appreciated. If the sacrifice is too great, then do not make it. And if you wish to make it, accept responsibility for it, accept that you are giving what you are giving and that you have no right to expect anything in return. If it is your gift, then give it. Or it is not a gift, if it is a loan which you expect to be repaid, then make sure the other party understands this clearly, and consciously accepts this bargain. Otherwise, give and let go. Give and let go. Do not give and then try to get in return. It does not work. ~ Quado

Stop “micro-managing” the relationship and let it evolve of its own accord: Don’t worry, be happy.


This is another way that we can have relationships distract us in negative way and cause us to lose personal power. It is also common for people who have had negative past relationship experiences and may still carry the emotional weight that goes along with it. Control mechanisms are often born out of fear. Where we are afraid and/or overly attached is where we are not free. So what is the way out? Being as emotionally and spiritually present as possible. This is also where a dedicated meditation or other spiritual practice is very helpful. If the “baggage” is weighing you down and not lifting, do seek help with a spiritual counselor or therapist of your choice for tools and suggestions.

See your partner as a growing and evolving being just as you are.

That means they will make mistakes, have moments of unconsciousness and may even be unkind. It’s not so much about the mess-ups as we know they are going to happen, it’s more about how quickly and effectively we can recover from them. We are often more understanding and compassionate with children and the elderly, it’s about time we offered some of that same compassion to ourselves and our partners as well.

Cheers to you dear readers, whether you are in relationship or not. Many wise beings have noted the spiritual intensity of the times we are in and the astro-cosmic energies have reflected this. If you are on the planet now, it is neither an accident nor is it in vain. Thank you for your contribution in raising awareness and the frequency of LOVE on the planet. Namaste and blessings to you all.

Image by Bret Langford.